101 (Ab)uses for a Fenton Thermos
by LordOfAllBricks
Summary: Just random stuff. If laughter persists for more than four hours, call your nearest Humor Control Center. Make sure to bring your thermos for an accurate diagnosis.
1. 101 (Ab)uses of a Fenton Thermos

**101 Uses for a Fenton Thermos**

* * *

1) Convince people the thermos is alive

2) Give it to Paulina and tell her Phantom is inside

3) Use as a replacement for beakers in Chemistry

4) Reenact the Lord of the Rings

5) Get the Frootloop a cat

6) Use as a weapon

7) Convince people the thermos hypnotizes ghosts

8) Whack annoying people in the face

9) Use as a shampoo bottle

10) Cure Vlad's obsession with the Packers

11) Reenact Thor

12) Bake cookies in it

13) Use as a homework pass

15) Convince people Phantom is insane

16) Turn it into a Ghost Whistle

17) Put soup in it

18) Turn it into a stink bomb and use during class

19) Use as a foot rest

20) Put Vlad in a time out

21) Settle arguments with Danny

22) Fight Crime

23) Explore the Schrödinger's Cat metaphor

24) Wear as a hat

25) Save the world

26) Replace normal thermoses in the supermarket with Fenton Thermoses, then wait for people to open them

27) Fill it with holy water, then get a ghost to drink it

28) Sneak food into a movie theater

29) Stop someone from talking

30) Screw around with the GiW's ghost scanners

31) Throw at someone's face in a defensive maneuver

32) Reenact Frozen

33) Sneak food into class

34) Win a game of chess against Vlad

35) Practice witty banter during class

36) Wake up Danny when be falls asleep in class

37) Give it to Danny and tell him Vlad is inside

38) Get Tucker out of Detention

39) Destroy the Fenton's lab

40) Fill it with salt, then give it to Danny

41) Get Danny into Detention

42) Use for school projects

43) Invent a way to release captured ghosts without their clothes

44) Keep Danny safe from Mary Sues

45) Begin a religion worshipping the thermos

46) Replace a Fenton Gauntlet in case one breaks

47) Prank classmates into thinking Danny is possessed by a ghost

48) Convince people that ghosts are allergic to aluminum

49) Use as a microphone

50) Prom date

51) Train Jazz to hunt ghosts NOT CAPTURE DANNY

52) Pillow

53) Use to hold a christmas Present

54) Wear several as fashion accessories

55) Use for spare parts for Tucker

56) Mock Technus's technology powers

57) Give it to Valerie and tell her Phantom is inside

58) Use as a bargaining chip

59) Hide people's things in it

60) Reenact the Matrix

61) Prank Dani

62) Reenact Wreak-it-Ralph

63) Summon a ghost

64) Give it to Vlad and tell him Danny is inside

65) Play fetch with Cujo

66) Clean Fentonworks before Danny's parents get home

67) Convince people Valerie's thermos and Phantom's thermos are in a relationship

68) Use as a cereal container

69) Make inappropriate innuendoes with it

70) Use as a lunchbox

71) Convince people Phantom is dating the thermos

72) Use as a music amplifier

73) Sneak Dani into school

74) Pretend to be a Pokemon Master

75) Get out of Detention with Lancer

76) Use to escape weird situations

77) Throw it to distract bullies

78) Convince people there is a Thermos Ghost

79) Give it to Danny and tell him Dan is inside

80) Sneak a ghost into Sam's house while her parents are home

81) Capture the Box Ghost, then put the thermos inside a football and watch football practice with a video camera

82) Use as a Blood Blossom holder

83) Convince Valerie the thermos is stalking her

84) Get Detention with Lancer

85) Use for quick and speedy transportation

86) Reenact The Avengers

87) Trick Sam into thinking the thermos talks

88) Sneak Poindexter into Dash's locker

89) Convince Tucker that his PDA is stuck inside the thermos

90) Become a secret agent

91) Keep sisters from conducting psychological tests

92) Convince everyone Phantom is jealous of Valerie's thermos

93) Give Klemper some friends

94) Convince people that Phantom lives in the thermos

95) Use as a sock dryer

96) Prank the Observants

97) End the yearly Is-There-A-Santa argument

98) Prank Clockwork

98) Convince Vlad Jack Fenton is a great guy

100) Use to hold leftovers

101) Capture ghosts


	2. 1

**101 (Ab)uses for a Fenton Thermos**

1) Convince people the thermos is alive

* * *

Mr. Lancer was busy teaching when he first heard the whispers. Was it the cheerleaders? They had been acting more chatty lately, ever since one of them spotted Phantom in the gym yesterday. All they wanted to do since then was talk about their favorite ghost. No one actually seemed curious as to why he was in Casper High's gym.

When the whispers grew louder, Lancer decided the source was not cheerleaders. It was most likely the football team members in his class. However, they hadn't played a game recently...so what were they talking about?

The english teacher finally glanced up from the stack of papers he was grading. There in the front row was Dash himself, currently twisted ninety degrees in his chair. As the precise moment Mr. Lancer's head rose, the jock fired a rubber band toward the back of the classroom. Someone let out an indignant hiss as it hit its target.

Lancer narrowed his eyes. The whispering had stopped right after the rubber band arrived...could the voices have been–

Rolling his eyes, Danny Fenton turned back to his two best friends, Sam Manson and Tucker Foley, and resumed their hushed conversation. Their heads bowed close together as they conversed; the discussion quickly became heated. Fenton aggressively raised his arms. Foley snapped a reply while Manson snatched a silver object off Fenton's desk, cradling it close. All three glared at each other, their low voices beginning to rise. By now the entire class was watching. Suddenly Danny sprang to his feet, pointing accusingly at his gothic friend.

"Sam, I can't let you do that!"

"Why the hell not, Danny?!" she screeched. "You've got a better idea?!"

"Any idea is better than blindly trusting him!" the raven haired teenager seethed, gesturing to the silver object in obvious frustration.

"Guys, calm down!" Tucker jumped up next to Danny, grabbing him by the shoulders in an attempt to get the teen to stand down. "It's not like he can do anything about it..."

"Foley! Manson! Fenton! Explain yourselves, at once!" It took a while for his thoughts to catch up, but Mr. Lancer was finally processing the situation. Something was happening. Something big. All three turned to face him, ignoring the rest of the class, which had gone dead silent. Fenton spoke first.

"We can't trust him!" He slammed a fist onto Foley's desk, narrowly avoiding Tucker's PDA. "He could be lying to us, or who knows what? He could even be allied with ghosts!"

That caught everyone's attention. People in the front shuffled closer, while those with front row seats simply leaned forward in astonishment as Sam whipped away from Danny, amethyst eyes narrowed in distrust as her grip around the a small alumimumn object tightened.

"He said he needs help, and that he can't do it alone! What kind of proof do you n–"

She froze. All three teens stiffened in sync; their eyes snapped to the item Sam held. She held it gingerly, bringing it forward so everyone could see.

It was a thermos.

Tucker cocked an eyebrow. "That does make sense, dude, but–"

All three blinked, watching the soup container. The rest of the class, including Lancer, was lost. What was going on?

"Look," Danny began, aggravated. "We can't just drop everything and help you. We're teenagers, not ghost hunters. Besides, how do we know you're not lying about the portal?"

All three once more returned to silence, listening to something only they could hear. Sam even tilted her head to the side, lifting the thermos higher as she scrutinized it. "I guess so, but what about you? You're pretty dinged up yourself..."

In sync, they quieted, listening intently. Tucker cracked a grin.

"Sure man! I can fix you up in no time. They don't call me the 'Tuckinator' for nothing!"

"No one calls you that." Danny muttered.

Sam hurriedly placed her other hand under the thermos. No one could see why, though, unless it was about to jump off her hand or something. It wasn't, right?

Suddenly all three began laughing.

"Really, dude?" Tucker snorted. "Classic."

Danny smirked. "Of course."

Sam was struggling to hold on to the device. "You're just as bad as those two..."

By now everyone was gaping. Noticing their stares, Sam, Tucker, and Danny shared a secret grin. Now for the clincher.

"Wait, what?" Danny frowned. "There's a ghost nearby?"

Suddenly the thermos, which had been sitting—quite normally—in Sam's hands, flipped to an upright position. All three teens pretended to gasp in shock. Sam 'let go' of the thermos; it remained perfectly still in midair for exactly one second before zooming out the window.

The class was dead quiet.

Deciding to break the silence, Tucker comically waved his fist at the window. "Never trust technology!"

Everyone paled.

"Catching flies, Mr. Lancer?" Sam asked cheekily.

Lancer snapped his mouth shut. "Everyone sit down. We still have ten minutes of class time left."

For the most part, their english class obliged. Paulina kept her eyes on the window for one more wistful moment before sitting down. Dash seemed more confused than anything. Even Valerie did not notice the goth's sly grin. The Red Huntress had carefully dug her hand inside her school bag. After a moment she withdrew a small aluminum device. Her own thermos. She stared at it; she even shook it hesitantly. Nothing happened. Pushing away an uneasy feeling, Valerie glanced back at the small trio, trying to figure out what just happened. Everyone was immediately alerted by her surprised screech.

The thermos was back, and was sitting on Danny's desk. Grinning insufferably, Danny patted the device as though it were a treasured pet, a lopsided grin on his face. "Great job."


	3. 67, 71, 92

**101 (Ab)uses for a Fenton Thermos**

67) Convince people Valerie's thermos and Phantom's thermos are in a relationship

71) Convince people Phantom is dating the thermos

92) Convince everyone Phantom is jealous of Valerie's thermos

* * *

They were first seen on the stairwell. The window ledge was too high to reach, yet they were sitting on it, facing the sky outside. For the next few days they were sighted in other places. At an empty table in the lunchroom with empty trays. Huddled together on the top bleachers during a football game. People saw them together by the water fountain, in both bathrooms, in the janitor's closet, even in the band room. Mr. Lancer let slip that they had even been caught together in the teacher's lounge.

Many couples may have been busted by the vice principal before, but these two were special. They couldn't be given detention (even though they showed up once), they couldn't be separated (every time someone tried they mysteriously disappeared), and they could not stay away from the school. Rumors spread like wildfire when one student reported sighting them in the library on the weekend when he tried to skip detention.

Perhaps the most bizarre aspect was who the couple was. Their so called romance was easy to discern, but it left many people's heads spinning, especially those who knew where both came from.

Phantom's thermos and the Red Huntress's thermos were apparently dating.

The signs were obvious. Cards and candy boxes were frequently spotted on the scene. Students in class would find random love notes on the floor from one or both of the soup containers. Anyone who could read the messy handwriting said the notes were mostly talking about forbidden love and running away. Some people could even tell the difference between the thermoses' writing styles. Phantom's thermos was more cheesy and simple, they said. The Red Huntresses's appeared more cautious but love-struck.

With Valentines day rolling nearer, people started to join in with the 'thermos theme'. Cards and notes were stuffed inside store-bought thermoses and passed around. Sometimes hopefuls would write down a romantic question and hide their thermos. The next day there would be a reply written in scrawling handwriting, urging the recipient to marry the soup container of his or her dreams, because their true thermos was worth it.

Rumors ran wild. Teachers could not control their students. Phantom's thermos periodically showed up at the student entrance with several dozen replies to questions about love. People shared the goofy answers with laughter, hardly seeming to care that they were late to class.

Then _he_ showed up.

It was Phantom! Suddenly he was everywhere, sticking his head into every classroom, zooming down every hall. Their hero followed the crowds. He finally stopped, hovering directly above the two thermoses sitting on one of the lunch tables outside, a scarf wrapped around them both. Everyone held their breath. What would he do? Did he think it was a practical joke?

Phantom's reaction startled everyone. He reached in a hidden pocket on his jumpsuit, pulled out a card, and started _crying_.

"I thought what we had was special!" he choked out. "I thought you thought _I_ was special!"

The ghost boy was sobbing so badly he collapsed, throwing the card away and vanishing with a wail. Paulina was the first to retrieve the card he threw; she started sobbing as soon as she read it.

 _ **Happy Valentines Day! This marks our first year anniversary together. I love you. From, your favorite ghost boy**_

At the bottom was a crude drawing of a green thermos with cartoon hearts around it.

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me." Valerie muttered, scrolling down the web page. " _'Cream Soup'_? That's gotta be the _stupidest_ ship I've ever heard."

The library doors opened. Sam, Tucker, and Danny walked in, talking rather loudly.

"I agree," Danny was complaining. "but did we have to use an _onion_? That really stung my eyes!"

"You admitted it was useful. Hey Valerie!" Sam gave her rival a suspiciously wide smile. "How have you been doing lately?"

"Fine." Valerie closed out of the browser with a frown. "If you don't count the recent thermos craze. Every online chatroom is still talking about it!"

"Really?" Sam raised her eyebrows, elbowing Tucker. He almost dropped his PDA. The techno geek spluttered angrily.

"What, Sam?!"

Sam just gave him a look. Tucker sighed, although his eyebrows were twitching.

"You mean that Cream Soup nonsense?" Danny asked, a slight wince in his voice.

Valerie shrugged. "Yeah. What else?"

"I thought you would've been worried about the other rumor." Tucker was typing on his PDA. A smirk crossed his face before it died. He looked up at Valerie. "Wait, you do know about it, right?"

"About what?" Valerie looked from Tucker to Danny. The latter was avoiding her eyes while the former had resumed typing. Sam coughed.

"The rumor about Phantom supposedly being jealous of the...uh...Red Huntress's thermos. There's been a lot of speculation–"

"Uh oh." Tucker crinkled his eyebrows. "This doesn't look good."

"What?" Sam leaned over his shoulder. Her eyes widened. "Oh no."

"What?" Valerie stood up and stomped over, snatching the PDA (despite protests involving wailing and cries of, "My baby!") and reading the latest ghost scans in the area. Wait–

"Why would you have this on your PDA?" Valerie demanded

"Uh–"

BOOM

" _RED!_ "

The walls shook. Outside the window, a black and white figure hovered. Green eyes flashed behind the glass.

" _I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR THERMOS BACK RIGHT NOW!_ " Another crash resounded. " _I WILL NOT ASK AGAIN!_ "

A silver shape zoomed around the bookshelves and crashed into Valerie's stomach. She yelped and leapt back, staring at it with wide eyes as it rolled to a shuddering stop.

It was a red thermos.

"Wha..." Valerie picked it up. She was half expecting it to fly out of her fingers, but the cold cylinder remained still. The walls shook again.

"Phantom's mad!" Tucker gasped.

"Is he trying to split the thermoses apart?" Sam exclaimed. She grabbed Danny's and Tucker's collars, dragging the boys away. "He's only asking for trouble by doing that!"

"It's true love..." Danny mumbled groggily. A moment later there was another bang. Valerie spun around, thermos in hand, tracking the angry ghost zooming outside the school.

 _Why doesn't he come in?_ she wondered. The walls trembled. So did Valerie.

 _I have to get out there and stop him!_ She raced out the doors the other three had exited. There was no sign of them as Valerie called forth her armor and zoomed out an open door. Phantom, too, had vanished, leaving behind the dreary evening sky. Valerie floated for a moment. The thermos did not so much as twitch in her hand. Now was not the time to question the day's sanity. She just needed to get home as quick as possible...and lock up her thermos. Just in case.


End file.
